friends

I've learnt that despite how close, people still lie. And I, I know about so many things but you could still lie in front of my face. I never pursued the matter even after knowing about it for so long because firstly, it doesn't involve me, and secondly, because I'm sick and tired of fixing you. Nevertheless, I am extremely happy at where I am now. With the people around me, the people who actually care. The company is splendid. If you realized, I have started treating people the way they treat me. If you're nice to me I'm nice to you. Okay fine, maybe if you're not so nice to me I'll still be nice to you out of long time sake, though at the end of the day it gets taken for granted like nobody's business.

I miss him so much sometimes and some days I wonder how he's been, if he's been taking care of himself with proper care, eating the right meals.. I miss stepping into his room and drawing all the curtains, opening all the windows and balcony doors only because his room was so stuffy and he doesn't do shit about it. I miss watching him sleep, I miss planting a kiss on the flawless skin of his cheek while he sleeps. I miss leaving a letter or a piece of his favourite chocolate amongst the mess for him to find, I miss wearing his big shirts, I miss many things, but all these would be yet but only memories.

Because. Starting from tommorrow onwards, 2010 would be a year without him. I said that since my 19th, but it never happened. This time round it's gonna be right, I have so much that's in for me to keep me occupied and busy with. He always gonna be on my mind. And in my heart. Right at the very bottom. 20 would be a different year. It wouldn't be stupid, naive, emotional, weak, like 2009. Though, it'll be a year without the most important person in my life. For real. For good.

On the contrary, how often do we keep our New Year's resolutions? Never.
(Or at least not for the most of us) (But we try)

goals once more?

[Dec. 30th, 2009|08:04 am]

factreality

[

current mood

sleepy

]

2010

finish another marathon
Tri maybe?
Be done with my school! :D

and to backtracked back to the beginning of 2009.

~~finish one full marathon.~~
complete as many sporting events (:

I'm in so deep shit for my assignment and exam.
countdown i'm left with 44 days to holiday of the year.

The truth is,

[Dec. 30th, 2009|01:12 am]

This. I just told a big white lie... Only because I care for you more than you know it, and knew what you wanted. My (: was forced out. I had to. And I didn't know what else to say, that's why. I'm on the verge of tears now. I want you around too, as a... Friend. I know one day when you eventually find someone you really like, then you'll start seeing me less because naturally you'd want to spend more time with her and by then I have be strong like I should. And of course.. I'd be happy for you. I think.

And then I'm left in bits recovering tectonic tremblings

[Dec. 30th, 2009|01:02 am]

One of these days, you'll miss your train and come stay with me
We'll have drinks and talk about things, any excuse to stay awake with you
You'll sleep here, i'll sleep there, but then the heating may be down again at my convenience
We'd be good, we'd be great together

8:22am

[Dec. 28th, 2009|08:49 am]

I have The Saltwater Room on repeat since I switched my laptop on. It's so old already but it's still so niceeee. I got up at 5.30 this morning. This is the first time I have gotten up so early in weeks, no wait, not even for school. I couldn't sleep. I had a massive train of random thoughts in my head, and I was thirsty as well. I felt so dehyrdated.

Last night was great, greater because I spent it with my bestfriend. We hardly meet up except for church, because of our busy lives. I told her I couldn't believe how long we've been friends. How long? I asked. She pointed out 9 fingers. How cute. Next year would be our 10th year of friendship. There are some friendships I've made and never regretted. New or old, these few people I hold close in my life mean so much to me.

Anyway my bb is gone. Yes. Gone. Spoilt. Nope, not a dream. I wished it was a dream. Okay, so fine I went drinking. I had the urge to, Sunday morning. At church I asked Amelia if she would come, and she said yes. I was ecstatic. The shot glasses were slightly bigger than average, the both of us just stared at it for a few seconds in awe (and also in fear). She touched me with her fingers and told me they've turned cold just by looking at them. Still, we conquered them all. Not forgetting the beer...

Don't ask me what's up with the sudden drinking spree. I don't know what was wrong with me. I guess I was just. Upset? I can't exactly remember what happened when I puked. All I knew was that I didn't act like a drunkard though. I guess I go quiet when I'm drunk? According to Sean and Amelia, I puked on it/spilt water on it. How could I have been so careless? I feel like slapping myself. No, maybe not. I rather stab myself. Yes, you may put a new phone beside me in my coffin. Fuck man. When we sat down I had already planned for my phone to be kept in my bag and I'll just have fun. But situations change, you know? I wanted to text a friend. (I wanted to tell you that I fucking missed you whenever you weren't with me)
But for some reason I couldn't/didn't have the strength to? Haha stupid right. Hence I left the phone just there. And for that it paid the heavy price of heartache for me. Today's gonna be a busy day. I hope I get through the day with such little sleep... (I want to see you today)

(Yes Jeannie. This post has it too)

The difference is that,

[Dec. 26th, 2009|11:23 pm]

I'm blinded. And you're just, blind

(Hello Do You See Me?)

I could love you. But I could leave whenever I want to. (Please don't let me)
I don't want you to want somebody else. (But I have no say)

"She can't see the way your eyes will light up when you smile
She never noticed how you stop and stare whenever she walks by
And you can't see me wanting you the way you want her
But you are everything to me

And I just want to show you, she don't even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
And you just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible"

You see,

[Dec. 26th, 2009|10:48 am]

Christmas didn't feel like Christmas at all, or at least to me. There are presents lying every where at home for me to open but I have yet to. Maybe because I can't be bothered. I know there's only one thing I wanted.

My
Heart
Feels
H
e
a
v
y

Merry Christmas 1.2

[Dec. 25th, 2009|12:45 pm]

OMG A CUSTOMER! I SWORE I SWIRLLED THE NICEST CUP OUT FOR HER OUT OF JOY HAHA SHE EVEN WISHED ME MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!
Haha okay she didn't say fucking but yeah. You get it.

I feel like sneaking into Reload and help myself with their salad. Haha I'm just kidding, really. Damn scared the boss or what google this then find my blog then.. Haha.
The girl at Candy Empire is re-arranging the packets of chips. I feel like helping her. I'm bored too. Hm. Then again, maybe it's her way of killing time and boredom. The chips look fine the way they were. Haha k I shan't help then. Not even supposed to leave the counter anyways.... Fml

Merry Christmas 1.1

[Dec. 25th, 2009|12:31 pm]

I'm here at Millenia Walk, once again. Only difference is that it's Christmas Day this time. And it's like a ghost town over here. Work has started almost an hour ago and I have yet to serve any customers. I'm guessing that by 8pm tonight, there might be a slight possibility that I have only 3 customers. (I refuse to say 0 because it'll make me sound like a loser).

No, wait. I already feel like a loser already, working on Christmas. Oh why had I been so muddle-headed?! Anyway, to console myself. There are other losers here at Millenia Walk too! Like... The people working at Candy Empire. AND Nikko (yes the one with the annoying auto-sensor door bell that goes ding dong whenever people walk in. Speaking of which, I used to step in and out a million times of such places when I was younger, just to play with the sensor thing. Wait, maybe I still do it sometimes. Only to annoy the person in the shop and won't get scolded cause I do it in an Oh-my-god-I-didnt-know-it-was-me way.)

AND the people at QB. AND the people at Flower Matters. AND Guardian. AND Coffeebean. Basically all of the shops within my sight. They're all losers too. Oh what a party it is over here, haha.

Anyway, all except the people at Reload turned up today. I'm so sad. I thought I could eat the salad today. But they didn't turn up. Every few minutes I turn to my right in hope to see someone rushing into the shop with an omg-im-so-late kinda way or something... Okay you can probably tell I'm so bored here

SAVE ME (sends smoke signals)

After we parted last night,

[Dec. 25th, 2009|11:06 am]

At least Bay and Jeanz had someone to go home to on Christmas night...